Burn One Productions 2009 Calendar!

Want a happy new year?  2009 can be a great year when every month you have great photography by Jaymz Eberly (Photographs of Dreams) and more, creative images, and beautiful people to look at.  Ashley Eberbach, a close friend and multi-talented clothing designer, filmmaker, writer, and all things impressive, has just released the new Burn One Productions 2009 calendar.  I’ve seen some previews, and it’s awesome.  Only $10 at the Burn One Productions store!  If you go through her blog, you can get some peeks at what’s inside the calendar.  You can also order Burn One apparel (some with illustrations by me!), and visit her YouTube page to see some of her short films and her new Director’s Reel!  Enjoy!

Some of this year’s models include:

• Catherine King (Miss April)
• Jinny Lee Story (Miss December)
• Casey Peters
• Aiman Faour

Sluttier and Naturier

Ready for some rambling?

A good friend posted a comment on my April 2008 Sluts and Nature post, in which I contemplated the role of animal instinct and nature in humans’ sexual behavior.  Here’s what she (the owner of Lucy, the Havanese referred to in the post) had to say, with my responses dropped in here and there:

I can think of at least three things that are unique to humans in regards to this subject.  First, in many human cultures and subcultures, the female needs the protection of the male.  As an economically self-sufficient woman, I cringe while pointing out that some women like to be and require that they are taken care by a male(s). So, for the purpose of obtaining this security (child support, welfare, WIC, Medicaid, etc.), some women procreate freely and seemingly indiscriminately.  Sex, therefore, becomes an act of survival—similar to males having sex to perpetuate their genealogy.  In most other animals, the female provides food for herself and her offspring on her own.

I think I agree.  Although perhaps if we introduced welfare and child support into controlled groups of fruit flies we might be surprised.  I was online browsing the Journal of Evolutionary Philosophy, and found an interesting theory about promiscuity in some species that you can read here.  It also talks about some of the differences between animal sexual behavior and human sexual behavior, which you can read about here, along with enough other interesting stuff that I’ll probably have to do another post on this subject.

 This also makes me think about the phenomenon of women claiming to be pregnant in order to keep their man (always a shortsighted plan) or intentionally getting knocked up with the same motive.  My dad posted a comment on the last post, too, which included a reference to male animals killing the offspring of other males; generally speaking, it seems that male animals, human and otherwise, are expected to protect their own, sometimes only their own, and do their part to make their own genes the dominant ones.  I could see this instinctual expectation being a reason that a woman might think her boyfriend will automatically stay with her if he finds out she’s carrying his child.  But as we see in our human world, that expectation is frequently crushed.  

So my question is this: Could this discrepancy between expectation and result be from animal nature (protection and propagation) and human nature (calculation, manipulation, fear and abandonment) evolving at different paces or still trying to reconcile their differences?  Or is the woman’s expectation a human occurrence like relying on men for welfare, and simply mismatched with the reaction of some men?  Or is it totally coincidental and not worth analyzing?

Second, in regards to infidelity, humans have the ability to consciously choose to not have sex. Humans have the cognizant ability to work through a complex thought process and make the choice to engage or not engage.  In most animals, having sex is actually more of a reaction than a deliberate act.

Finally, humans have the emotional need to control each other.  Controlling another person gives one a satisfactory sense of control over their own life.  This sense of control is comforting because so many things in our world are out of our control.  Monogamy is, in a sense, one spouse’s control over another (even though that control is willfully given).  So when a spouse cheats, it is hurtful to the other spouse because (1) they chose to cheat (see above) and (2) the cheated-on spouse has permanently lost control over the cheating spouse.

Further, humans need to be needed.  I think that when you’ve been cheated on, you’ve been told in actions that the needs that you were previously meeting can be met by someone else.  So you are not quite as needed as you originally thought.  Animals instinctively realize that potential mates are lined up in direct competition for their partner.  Humans foolishly assume that their mate is never going to notice those potential suitors.

This last paragraph got my attention the most, particularly the second and last sentences.  Maybe it hits a nerve because infidelity is scary to me, I’m not sure.  What she says about being cheated on making the victim realize they’re not meeting their partner’s needs is true, but I think one of the problems is that many victims never considered what those needs might be.  I Googled “reasons for cheating” and found multiple articles with statistics indicating that men cheat primarily for sexual reasons, women for emotional reasons.  The thing is—and this is an ability that humans can claim for themselves—with some communication, and IF both parties desire monogamy, problems can often be avoided.  If a man talks to his other about his lack of sexual satisfaction, not only might he be pleasantly surprised by her eagerness to fix things, but in return she will feel a stronger emotional bond.  If a woman takes a leap of faith and talks to her husband or boyfriend about feeling unwanted, she might be pleasantly surprised to find affirmation that she is wanted, and that renewed connection might spark some sexual chemistry that he was needing.

Obviously these are estimations and aren’t universal…  I think that men underestimate how important sex can be for women, and I think women underestimate how important the emotional connection in a relationship can be for men.  And I would like to include same-sex couples in this discussion but at the moment I don’t know enough about same-sex relationships.   And we have to consider the other factors that lead to infidelity, like abuse or unhealthy relationships that bring desperation or misery, and other things like job loss, tragedy, financial problems, injury, etc., which can cause emotional and sexual problems in the relationship.  I’m not sure I entirely agree with my friend’s comment that humans assume their mate won’t notice other potential suitors, but I do think that we need to pay more attention to each other in our relationships in general, and that that way much strife is avoidable.  If for no other reason than that as humans, we can—we can resolve and communicate and come out with new understanding, something the philandering fruit flies might be able to do if they could wean themselves from the welfare and Medicaid we put them on.